Later does not always come

CUT HERE by The Cure


"So we meet again!" and I offer my hand
All dry and English slow
And you look at me and I understand
Yeah it's a look I used to know
"Three long years... and your favourite man...
Is that any way to say hello?"
And you hold me... like you'll never let me go

"Oh c'mon and have a drink with me
Sit down and talk a while..."
"Oh I wish I could... and I will!
But now I just don't have the time..."
And over my shoulder as I walk away
I see you give that look goodbye...
I still see that look in your eye...

So dizzy Mr. Busy - Too much rush to talk to Billy
All the silly frilly things have to first get done
In a minute - sometime soon - maybe next time - make it June
Until later... doesn't always come

It's so hard to think "It ends sometime
And this could be the last
I should really hear you sing again
And I should really watch you dance"
Because it's hard to think
"I'll never get another chance
To hold you... to hold you... "

But chilly Mr. Dilly - Too much rush to talk to Billy
All the tizzy fizzy idiot things must get done
In a second - just hang on - all in good time - wont be long
Until later...

I should've stopped to think - I should've made the time
I could've had that drink - I could've talked a while
I would've done it right - I would've moved us on
But I didn't - now it's all too late
It's over... over
And you're gone..

I miss you I miss you I miss you
I miss you I miss you I miss you so much

But how many times can I walk away and wish "If only..."
But how many times can I talk this way and wish "If only..."
Keep on making the same mistake
Keep on aching the same heartbreak
I wish "If only..."

But "If only...."
Is a wish too late...





Love now tomorrow is not promised

I did it!

I did, and some think it's cool and some are going to say why in the (you know what) would you do that.

I don't know why some think its cool, I did not do it cause I thought it to be cool I did it cause it just seemed like me. To the ones who think it is very uncool ok it's not your bag but it is mine.

I did it cause it was my birthday gift to me on my 40th. So it's way late but at least I got it done right before the new year. I did it because some wired kind of thing happens when your 40 and at least for me it left me in two worlds, and I did not belong to either. Not belonging to either made me yearn to be more of who I am, how I see myself and how I want to be seen.

I did it because I wanted to remind myself I am alive, I am 3d, I am as creative as I allow myself to be, I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a women, I don't "fit" anywhere this world has to offer, I am a child of God and what I have done reminds me of that.

I did this because this next and last part of my life I want to be different but the same, I want to go deeper but not drown, I want more and I intend to be ok with that.

This what I did was very painful which means I am still breathing regardless of all the reasons I should not be.
This what I did is accepted by some whom the "church " does not accept, maybe I can be a type of church to them, well maybe not a church but a place they are accepted.
This what I did is not accepted by many as I am not but maybe it will produce a dialogue.

So this what I did is my declaration of some small sort. The last part of my life I declare will not be as the years before. I honestly intend to be more reckless and more of a risk taker in the matters of love then before.

Erik at ping said something via the phone and forgive I don't remember the words but I remember what they meant.
Dorsey at notmywill said something via the phone and again forgive me I don't remember the words but I remember what they meant.

So the cost is very, very high but I intend to love more.
My new nose piercing will remind me.

You are loved so just accept it