Just let them be

There are some very kind things one can do to help a person who has received a death sentence like in mom's case. One of the single best things you can do is change your expectations of that person from what you expect to none. We have them all of us do. I expect Zeke to always be courteous, kind and loving as well as he does me, but when something so life changing as a DXD (diagnosis) of 6 months enters the picture all bets are off as well as they should be.

Don't treat the person like there already dead and don't treat the person like you always have. Its hard but so needed. I watch my mom every day try to do things because she feels bad she can not like getting up out of bed when her legs just are to tired to move. She does this cause she thinks she has to, because that is what has been told to her. Not by anyone who is trying to be mean but by people who are scared of the reality of her illness. When mom wants to walk, feels like walking she does much better then when she thinks she has to. Giving someone a gift like mom of just getting to be whatever in there last weeks of life is priceless. She gets to be sad and not treated as if she is depressed. she gets to lay around and do nothing but I promise you since she got the news she is never laying around doing nothing. She gets to ask for stuff she might or might not be able to do for herself without being treated as if she is being selfish. Most important she gets to be treated like her mind is still intact even if she does not always have the words to answer a question or forgets why she called you in the first place.

Everyone around mom loves her but not everyone around mom is willing to let her be. God can heal her and God can take her home why must it be so hard for some to live in that place, in-between waiting for health or waiting for death? Why is in-between so hard for some to accept? Does waiting mean your not living? Why is silence so hated?

I don't need to psychoanalyze mom to know how she feels. I am sure she feels allot more then ever before and to both extremes. I don't need to give her a pill if she is scared would not anyone of us be? I don't need to push her to move if she does not want to does she not have the same freedom we all do? I don't need to make her stay in bed again why would anyone tell anyone else to do that? Mom is dying and I find it cruel anyone expects anything of her to make that anyone feel better about it. But even so I know it comes from a place of fear and loss, they are mourning for what they used to have and that's ok its just not ok to spill it all over mom.

Mom has made peace with herself and God whatever happens! What an absolute free and rocking place to be! I watched it happen in my mother who died of ALS and now I get the privilege of watching that same freedom be accepted in Zeke's mom it's an honor. The only time that is tainted is when I have to deal with people who can not get outside themselves enough to just care about her.

So if someone you know is likely to leave this world and they know it, change your perception of them and your expectations. Give them that, allow then to have real freedom to move as they want without consequence of your personal expectations of how it should be. I am not saying don't offer thoughts if something seems really out of whack I am saying let them be understanding that you have no idea really what you would do upon hearing the news.

Just let God do His thing and get out of His way. If you are a child of God then you are where you are suppose to be for His purpose not yours. Just accept it and don't be afraid to exists in-between waiting for a miracle and accepting your own mortality, cause when you don't you are making it awful hard for the person and thats just tragic.



Love now tomorrow is not promised to anyone