Its who we are, what we do and how we live. That is what Evol is

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Ponder 101

So I was walking down Broadway...oops wait that's a different story not for mass consumption :)

What I really meant to write is why do we wait until a funeral of someone before we tell how great they are?

How real can we be with God if we can't even be real with each other?

These are things I ponder.
To love cost a great deal nobody ever tells you that because rarely are people honest about what love is. Its uncomfortable on the easy side and downright lonely on the hardest of sides. I have told Zeke the hardest part of loving is when someone because they don't want to go that deep just rejects it and you are left with knowing what the person needs and having nowhere to put it. I wonder if God feels that way about us.

Love is a train wreck, no love is a speeding train with one of those huge bright lights on the front coming at you. No love is the lights in a surgery room that leave nothing undiscovered. It wrecks your life and then when you learn what you are able about it, it wrecks whoever your trying to love, because real love is pure and honest and cares very little of self. Its what you read on persecution.com when you read the stories of people imprisoned and tortured because of there belief in Jesus Christ. Those wonderful people who are willing to give up all they love for the sake of standing in the Glory of God's love. God could save them of course and some He does but others He does not and they lose there life only to gain there Souls.

We often wait until funerals to tell the people who knew the dead how great they are, I ponder this because I no longer understand it.
We often bitch to others about someone else because we don't want to risk confrontation or have enough respect for the person of subject to talk to them. Besides checking yourself in the matter there is no reason to do this either.

Love is intoxicating when it's shared and down right painful to the bone when it is rejected. I have never been so lonely and in emotional pain as when I either refused to love with all my reasons why, or have been rejected because of the exposure love would bring. I ponder many days and nights would I be able to stand like my claimed brothers and sisters in Christ as people bent on doing so much harm to me did so. I pray so, I hope so but the reality is I don't want to be put in that situation because self doubt runs deep.

Maybe one day I won't ponder anymore about this and other things, but if that means I stop trying to love in an honest way I hope I never do.

Love now tomorrow is not promised to anyone


At 8:23 AM, Blogger Zeke said...

Please don't stop pondering. Love you.


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